Posted by
Georgiaboy on Saturday, September 02, 2006 6:11:46 PM
As a reward to all you loyal readers of my blog, here is an advance copy of my article that should appear soon in the University of Georgia's only conservative student newspaper, The Georgia Guarddawg.
Humour
Set foot in a big city and two facts are inescapable—they have lots of homeless people and lots of pigeons. Both of these pose problems for cities; the homeless people panhandle and make people feel uncomfortable and guilty, the pigeons make a mess and clog the streets. In the spirit of bold solutions, one idea could forever solve both these problems for cities. Let the homeless people hunt the pigeons.
No, it’s not a crazy idea. America has a long tradition of hunting. Pioneers and settlers survived on deer and bear that they hunted. Why can’t poor people hunt the bountiful game in cities? It only sounds crazy because we have deserted our hunting roots. Maybe a better idea of how it could work will ease your mind.
Most importantly, homeless people would have to hunt with non-lethal weapons. We can’t have them shooting pigeons and innocent bystanders with 12-gauge shotguns. So, city governments could provide aesthetically attractive traps, a variety of nets, dart guns, and maybe some flamethrowers—saves time on cooking.
Our civilized society would also not tolerate homeless people consuming raw birds or starting fires on the sidewalk. Thus, the logical alternative is designated grilling areas (DGA’s) around the city. DGA’s could also inspire the entrepreneurial spirit in the nation’s homeless, as they worked on selling barbeque pigeon to passersby. Cooked right, I would guess pigeon is quite tasty and safe.
The proposal gets better, though. Cities are always looking to increase tourism. People will flock to the cities for the opportunity to watch homeless people stalk pigeons with dart guns and nets. Diligent and skillful hunting would probably earn the respect of some tourists, prompting them to give money to hard-working homeless people.
Don’t forget the positive impact this will have on the homeless. They will gain the self-respect that comes from providing for their own needs. Of course, the ultimate goal should be to find them quality jobs and cheap housing, but preventing them from utilizing a plentiful food source while they are pursuing work is madness. They get food, the city gets rid of pigeons, and everyone is happy.
Could this proposal ever become reality? Probably not. It is described more for your entertainment than to provoke political action. I also mean no disrespect for homeless people. While some homeless are certainly lazy bums, many are homeless through little fault of their own; many others are physically disabled. As a society grounded in Christian charity, we have a responsibility to show kindness to the poor. I am here to say that providing the means for a poor person to take care of themselves is just as kind as giving them a handout.